From Then To Now

by Brian Detweiler

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1.
This bullshit you call prose Won't be confused with any rose By any other name It reeks one and the same I see them eatin' up the lines Of an asthmatic passer-by To fill the hole Their own lives leave inside And it's one-, two-, three- Hundred channels on TV We're captivated; Glued into our seats And it's a long walk To the break of dawn But my calloused, blackened heart Keeps pumping on It's the same bar every night It's those sycophantic eyes It's the fucking town That God has left to die I've been livin' in sin Drownin' demons here within Makin' martyrs out of Every Cheshire grin And it's one, two, three Hope the Devil don't find me I've never been any good At Hide-and-Seek And it's a long walk Til the break of dawn But my calloused, blackened heart Keeps pumping on And oh, I might be wrong But right ain't the way I'm goin' Might be barefoot, broke-back Bitch I'm movin' on As I sat on the side of the road Dead-drunk and alone I can blame any living thing I want But the culprit's here at home See I trusted that forked tongue Even looked into the eyes But that temptress promised impossible things So it should come as no surprise But that fog has lifted now And the sun, it's beatin' down And confusing things, they all make sense With both feet on the ground So I burned it in my mind And I remember every time A siren sings a seductive song I just keep passing by Cause it's a long road Til the break of dawn But my calloused, blackened heart Keeps pumping on And oh, I might be wrong But right ain't the way I'm goin' Might be bare foot, broke-back Bitch I'm movin' on.
2.
Drivin' home, a snowy road My little car will barely go And stayin' alive Is keepin' my mind occupied I thank God I've got a place to sleep There's heat and lights and some groceries If there's any money left I'll have something to drink And for every solid feeling I know There's another twenty-five I don't I'd like to think some day I'd share my heart and soul But I know I won't I will not relent I will not go through it again There's a million ways this book could end But I'm the writer, I've got the pen As we go about our daily lives We endure the lows and embrace the highs And the in-betweens are just there They keep us pacified "Is there anything more to this?" That question so simple but wondrous By the time we know We'll all be buried under it
3.
I see her in the early A.M. And watch her sleep as I shuffle off to earn my keep Day bleeds to night Sobriety is temporary I made it through another year One end to justify the means One argument to back the righteousness of these empty feelings This will not last (Nothing good ever has) And no one stays the same This house of cards That I've built around me Bound to collapse on me Sweet requiem for blackened hearts Once so alive, optimism the death of them Names become numbers Numbers replace memories We're living for the sordid now This house of cards That I've built around me Bound to collapse on me So choose your words Ever so carefully Don't take an architect to see That I'm loosin' what makes me _me_ Prepare for life all you want Take their advice, do what ya need but know that it's begun Every day takes more away And leaves behind no trace Like you were never here This house of cards Layed out haphazardly Won't stand up to a gentle breeze
4.
Cracked coffee mugs and Carolans I'm crushin' salt rocks underneath these weathered soles They take me where I need to go I'm raisin' hope I'm raisin' suspicion Where there is smoke, there is a chemical reaction Let it stay For today Blackwork tattoos and winter blues Still chasin' skirts with debt collectors chasin' me They ain't my top Priority Nor will they ever be She wears the jeans with torn out knees Sparklin' eyes, tremblin' thighs, she's smilin' at me Let it stay For today The sun is bright It's blindin' my eyes I can't see a goddamn thing I can't remember when Or where I've been But this moment feels alright

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released February 6, 2011

Recorded by Dan Heinen at Skinner Studios
Cover art by Lindsay Lockwood

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Brian Detweiler Omaha, Nebraska

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